Work in Progress

I like walking in old town, i also like to call South Mumbai old town, i am quite creative in a zany Oscar Wilde sort of way. As i was saying, i love to walk in old town, aimlessly stroll through the streets and by lanes, look up at old buildings, reminisce about college as i pass the familiar haunts. But the most casual of past - times is the spotting of the jack ass.

Now don't be alarmed, i am not into beastiality, i don't get off on Donkey's, matter of fact it raises the question, why aren't there any jack asses in old town? Sorry i went off topic again, old town is perhaps the place where you can get almost anything, from the best sugarcane juice to the transvestite right next to it. That copy of 'Catcher in the Rye' that you have been looking for right next to January 98 issue of Penthouse. I can keep naming examples but i was explaining Jack asses.

You see a Jack ass is what in old parlance would be called a 'specimen' a 'one piece' . And old town always has a new one to offer. This particular day was a lazy saturday afternoon about three weeks ago. I was walking in Fort in the general direction of Fountain.....and i see him. How did i know it was him? well he was wearing a well cut grey suit, smart white shirt, brown classic shoes and a hair cut worth at least a grand of good money, oh and a a blue tie with a vanilla ice cream cone on it. I had to halt here, i mean i just had to, the tie was like a signal for me, i knew that this was my man. He might as well have been wearing a sign saying "Come to see the Jack ass". So i hovered in the general area, because with Jackasses the wait is never too long (that works both as a relative reference, and a real one)

Sure enough his buddy, similarly attired, walks up to him and hands him a Samosa Pav. The buddy is smart enough to caution our man saying "Dude, watch out for the chutney, it could spill". Waves of anticipation were crashing inside me, at this point i was just waiting for the inevitable. The lovely green and red chutney would now ruin this Dude's nice shirt and lovely tie. He took his first bite, with an air of confidence and vigour...and....

"Chenna"

I was stunned, my name being called out in that familiar manner had given me a jolt. I was ridden with guilt and remorse - a reflex action. I turned around half curious and half afraid, what was i afraid of? Retribution of course....i told you, old reflex.

Expecting to see an old matron, or a professor, i was surprised by a five foot something form of petite gorgeousness. The lovely face, the silky hair and eyes that could start a war, or a street fight at the very least.

"Fuck!", said the 'Dude' in the background, my thoughts exactly. His in anger and dismay mine of affirmation and amazement.

"Well, say something"; sparkling, shiny filmy teeth

"....hello" ; i do not know this girl from Adam

"You don't remember me?"; went the harmonious sound

Now this couldn't be true, either i had never met her, or i had somehow forgotten this siren's name. Of course, my first impulse is to lie, lying is second nature, no actually its just nature.

"Of course i do! How are you doing? What are you doing here? How is life these days? Met anyone back from the day?"

Classic techniques of buying time, stall, ask questions, get clues, keep away from obvious references and just dig in deep. It's like 21 questions, pnly here you can be really embarrassed.

"Oh, i am just shopping for some old books ya. But it is so nice to see you, i mean it has been soooooo long."

Tricky, we have to kinda guess from the degree of the word 'long', just when we would have last met. Here i guessed maybe Junior college, but this evidence was still preliminary. Keep stalling.

"Yahhhhhh"; matching the degree, "It has been damn long ya. When was the last time we met anyway?" ; yes it is a bit obvious but it works, trust me it works

"Last day of school i think. No no, it was the day we came to get our mark sheets."

BOOM - School, ya she looked like i knew her from school, we had very few hot chicks in school, she has to be one of maybe 5 women.

"Oh yes, correct, damn man that is a long time, over eight years now. You haven't changed a bit from those days though."

"Errr... ya, i guess so, neither have you, that is good, otherwise we would have walked right past each other."

Not true, i would have oggled this lass to the point of social and moral acceptance.

"How are Renuka, Chhaya and Mayuri? Are you in touch with them?"

These are three of the five, i remember them, so this one had to be their friend. I don't remember the other two.

"I don't know, i haven't seen them since the last day of school either. I moved to Bangalore soon after."

This is a sad fact, when people move, they tend to discard old relationships. Even strong bonds with brothers have known to sever due to geographical distances, this was but a few skanks hanging out bitching about each other.

"Hmmm, when did you come back from Bangalore?"

"Last year, i have been busy since, got a job working at a financial consultancy."

Booom Shakalaka.....those girls were hot, but i don't remember them being smart. I am in the wilderness again, i can't put a finger on who this chick is.

"I am working at a PR consultancy."

You got to match them toe to toe bro!

This conversation was underway in the middle of the road, and since i wasn't really getting anywhere close to her name and still surviving, i decided to push things a notch higher.

"Let's grab coffee, catch up, what say?"

"Oh, no i am with somebody right now, but we can catch up tomorrow or something. Give me your number."

'With' somebody, ok i had to understand if she was WITH somebody or with somebody.

I gave her my number and asked her to give me a missed call.

"So how do you spell your name?" i asked, this is an old school move - old from when mobiles were invented about 15 years ago.

"M - E - E - N - A - L"

I felt like a proper asshole, i had no Meenal saved in my memory banks. I was appalled that i had no recollection of beautiful Meenal, yet she knew me quite well.

"So where is this guy, you are with", hoping to God she would correct me

"He is back there looking at some books."

Age old tradition of comparing yourself to the competition. Smart, good looking, picked up the Great Gatsby, so intelligent. Ok, he wins.

"Him huh? What is his name?"

She looks over to 'him' and calls out - "Aniruddh"

"Meet Chenna, my school friend, remember i used to told you about this guy who used to help me out with literature and call me Minny"

MINNY! The short, pig tail wearing, pimple faced, brat with the bad attitude. The girl who used to think that the falling cards at the end of Solitaire was cool. The girl who had worn a Salwar to prom night. MINNY - who i did help in literature because i was a self righteous pompous asshole and love to teach literature. This....this angel used to be Minny- the dunky girl who was good at Math and hated holidays.

"Hi Chenna, i am Aniruddh"

I was still in a daze, i could not believe that this was Minny. Sure, the oiled pigtails had made the hair strong. The braces had made the teeth fantastic. The one - brow had become two and made her eyes pop out. The Math had given her a successful career.

"You know, i had the biggest crush on Chenna that time, oh my God! But i don't think he was interested in girls at the time. Right Chenna? You were in love with Shakespeare then correct?", she laughed, i don't see the humour, maybe you do.

There is this silly liitle feeling you get, when something as awful as this happens, bile starts pouring into your stomach and you want to gag. I could be with this Goddess, if i had just stuck with her back then. Ignored her bitchiness, her looks and her temperament. Just given her a chance!

"Chenna, i got to run, call me tomorrow, we shall go out"; said the maiden

"Bye dude, nice meeting you", the competition

Words were formed in my head, but never made it out. I saw them walking away, hand in hand and in love .

I stood there for a while, shell shocked and unhappy.

Then i went home, i had seen the Jackass for the day.