How often is it that we hear something or read something and instantly feel that it makes perfect sense? Well for me it’s a very rare occasion and when it does happen I am compelled to think more about it. Call it a force of habit or mindless ignorance but its there.
“Don’t make someone a priority in your life,
When you know that you are an option in theirs”
These words are so profound; insightful even, they made me really put things into perspective. Let me be the first to admit that I am not instantly brought to heights of emotional upheavals but this line really made my heart overflow with a lot of feelings at the same time.
Anger- at myself because I never gave this a thought and was fixated with a woman who clearly doesn’t think of me with the same admiration and love that I have for her.
Frustration- knowing that even armed with this revelation I wasn’t going to love her any less, and that my feelings for her were not going to be changing any time soon.
Contempt- I was feeling sick to my stomach knowing that I had somehow chosen to fall in this well of inequity trying to prove to myself that I can fail and setting myself up for disappointment once again.
Laughter- I had to face what a funny predicament I was in, the woman that I loved probably was hanging me by a thread and was playing with my emotions hey its true and its really funny. We love another persons misery don’t we so why not enjoy my own.
Elation – the fact that I know this now means that the realization is going to start picking on my head like an ice pick on an ice berg. Eventually I will come to the conclusion that I am doomed and I will pick up the pieces and move on to greener pastures.
Here I would like to thank my dear friends Toshal and Puneet who thought of me instantly as they got their hands on this particular statement. I don’t know how many people have pinned their hopes as I have on other people to bring them happiness. The bitter truth is that we might not get it but its nice to dream isn’t it well nightmares can wake you up abruptly people so lets get out of the dream while it is sweet and move on with our lives. Get of the train before it wrecks.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Nice guys finish last!
What I really don’t understand is this human compulsion this need to be good. Why do we think that if we are respectable, nice and pure we are going to be doing a service to society and looking after the greater good of mankind?
Right from childhood we are conditioned into thinking that being good is not only the right thing it is the only thing. Telling us that we should live honest god fearing lives and never think of harming someone else. To do unto others what we want them to do unto us. Of course once we grow up and open our eyes we realize that in fact no one gives a rats ass about our goodwill and definitely don’t bother about our well being or health.
To be completely honest with you , I don’t write this piece because I am feeling for my fellow nice man, its more of a retrospection than anything else. I have a grudge…its not on any one else other than myself. The grudge is this; I like women…and I am mad at myself for adoring women the way I do.
I love my mother, and I say that with no strings attached, I think its called unconditional love. Over the years I have come to admire my mother, and my respect for her has grown a lot. Herein does lay my misery!
Sigmund Freud says all the relations of a man are based on his relationship with his mother. It is directly related to how he treated his mother. Thus I respect all women with exception of a few. And this I think is a big hole in my being, this I will explain further.
In all my 20 years of life I barely considered myself worthy of a womans love. Maybe it was to do with the fact that I felt I wasn’t good looking enough, or maybe I thought I wasn’t as intellectual as women liked, which later became, maybe I wasn’t dumb enough. Having too little money or having too much money. Basically putting up psychological barriers and then bitching about them.
Until now, until this day…..because it is clear to me now why I couldn’t achieve a woman’s love, laying me at the doorstep of happiness never letting me in. It had nothing to do with any of my numerous shortcomings. The answer lay in Freuds thoughts.
What I had carelessly forgotten to realize or rather I had overlooked was that there was a flipside to Freuds Theory, just like it’s a mothers relationship with her son that decides his relationship with all woman. For a woman it was her relationship with her father which would have the same effect on her social life.
This got me thinking…her I was being the nice decent and honest guy when the truth is that there are very few of me out there. The world is full of jerks who weren’t nice and were genuinely and absolutely self centered.
We cant blame these people, you see when the bullshit about being nice and kind was being taught in moral science class they were wondering how they could go out and play some kind of sport. Or try and get the girl in class to profess her love to him. Most women had fathers who cared for them but were pricks nonetheless who treated their moms like shit and kept them subservient.
So the end result is that women unknowingly are attracted to the jerk, the asshole and the prick. It could be because they know exactly how to treat guys like this. And they can’t stand nice guys for the exact same reason….when someone treats them well, they don’t know how to react.
I realize that a lot of people reading this are going….no!!....this is so not true!!! I expect this more from the females out there, but you have to understand, women are genetically inclined to want a strong macho man in their lives. Sure they ‘say’ that they want a sensitive, caring and loving ‘lady boy’ , but as is the case with most women they don’t know what they want!
What sucks is that nice guys everywhere fall for this line…”I want a man who will understand my feelings and love me for what I am”. This line has made a lot of people turn themselves into soft spoken sensitive guys….me for example. It makes little difference to me that I didn’t find love,,, what I don’t like to see is that a man who acts like a real jerk gets the woman easily and more often than not he will have more on the side.
At times I wish that women will realize that they actually want the gentlemen and are just swayed by hormones…but I know that the truth is that nice and honest guys are the back up plan for most women. Not their priority……by no means.
They say that its good to be decent, nice and genuine….yes ‘they’ want to have all the women.
Right from childhood we are conditioned into thinking that being good is not only the right thing it is the only thing. Telling us that we should live honest god fearing lives and never think of harming someone else. To do unto others what we want them to do unto us. Of course once we grow up and open our eyes we realize that in fact no one gives a rats ass about our goodwill and definitely don’t bother about our well being or health.
To be completely honest with you , I don’t write this piece because I am feeling for my fellow nice man, its more of a retrospection than anything else. I have a grudge…its not on any one else other than myself. The grudge is this; I like women…and I am mad at myself for adoring women the way I do.
I love my mother, and I say that with no strings attached, I think its called unconditional love. Over the years I have come to admire my mother, and my respect for her has grown a lot. Herein does lay my misery!
Sigmund Freud says all the relations of a man are based on his relationship with his mother. It is directly related to how he treated his mother. Thus I respect all women with exception of a few. And this I think is a big hole in my being, this I will explain further.
In all my 20 years of life I barely considered myself worthy of a womans love. Maybe it was to do with the fact that I felt I wasn’t good looking enough, or maybe I thought I wasn’t as intellectual as women liked, which later became, maybe I wasn’t dumb enough. Having too little money or having too much money. Basically putting up psychological barriers and then bitching about them.
Until now, until this day…..because it is clear to me now why I couldn’t achieve a woman’s love, laying me at the doorstep of happiness never letting me in. It had nothing to do with any of my numerous shortcomings. The answer lay in Freuds thoughts.
What I had carelessly forgotten to realize or rather I had overlooked was that there was a flipside to Freuds Theory, just like it’s a mothers relationship with her son that decides his relationship with all woman. For a woman it was her relationship with her father which would have the same effect on her social life.
This got me thinking…her I was being the nice decent and honest guy when the truth is that there are very few of me out there. The world is full of jerks who weren’t nice and were genuinely and absolutely self centered.
We cant blame these people, you see when the bullshit about being nice and kind was being taught in moral science class they were wondering how they could go out and play some kind of sport. Or try and get the girl in class to profess her love to him. Most women had fathers who cared for them but were pricks nonetheless who treated their moms like shit and kept them subservient.
So the end result is that women unknowingly are attracted to the jerk, the asshole and the prick. It could be because they know exactly how to treat guys like this. And they can’t stand nice guys for the exact same reason….when someone treats them well, they don’t know how to react.
I realize that a lot of people reading this are going….no!!....this is so not true!!! I expect this more from the females out there, but you have to understand, women are genetically inclined to want a strong macho man in their lives. Sure they ‘say’ that they want a sensitive, caring and loving ‘lady boy’ , but as is the case with most women they don’t know what they want!
What sucks is that nice guys everywhere fall for this line…”I want a man who will understand my feelings and love me for what I am”. This line has made a lot of people turn themselves into soft spoken sensitive guys….me for example. It makes little difference to me that I didn’t find love,,, what I don’t like to see is that a man who acts like a real jerk gets the woman easily and more often than not he will have more on the side.
At times I wish that women will realize that they actually want the gentlemen and are just swayed by hormones…but I know that the truth is that nice and honest guys are the back up plan for most women. Not their priority……by no means.
They say that its good to be decent, nice and genuine….yes ‘they’ want to have all the women.
Selfishness a Virtue of Being Human
I think it was a wise sage somewhere who said that man is a social animal, well after careful consideration and thinking. I have come to the conclusion that this statement is true. Though I am thoroughly and comprehensively convinced I am not here to debate upon an accepted belief, I write this piece to shed some light on another matter. Man’s utter and complete love for himself, how he will go to great lengths to satisfy himself.
Men have claimed that their need for money was so great that they would be willing to kill for it, kill another human being to be precise. The only reason they would not was the fear of life not passion for someone elses life.
Selfishness in fact I believe is a virtue of being human, it is a human condition you see. If you are human you are selfish and being selfish ism only human. Selflessness is only a hoax a sham a mask if you like for the underliying self gratification of the person.
Recently I met a man who was a chemical engineer from a very prestigious university in India. The university is renowned, so much so that the person had got a job instantly in the US. And without thinking for more than a second he had left for it. I don’t believe he did anything wrong he was just relying on his instincts , should he stay in the country of his orgins and live life like everybody else or he could go to America and accept the highly lucrative job and live a seemingly happy life.
This man after living in the states returned to India to aid in relief work at a drought ridden area. Also convinced some of his friends, fellow college men to do the same. They say they are fulifilling some divine duty, all I can see is that these pricks want to get some attention from sacrificing their boring jobs, by the way they already made all the money they can make in the US. Yet I don’t blame the guy, he was just being human, simply a human condition.
Love, an elderly couple whom I have come to adore at a very persobal level told me, is an illusion created by the two people involved to stay attached. The girl probably wants to secure herself in a relationship and the guy probably thinks she is very attractive, they mentally psyche themselves to be attached by a mutually agreed feeling called love. Even this condition is a normal human phenomenon, yet it is borne out of the mother of all human conditions selfishness.
Would a guy love a girl if he did not get love and affection back, if he would not get any sex or any sort of support, hell no. Mind you this condition is ditto for females if not more. I don’t want to get a gender thing here. Selfishness is a human condition, Sex no bar, Caste no bar, Religion no bar, Color no bar, Financial condition no bar.
Did you here all those stories about virtuous people who are selfless and work for no gain. Well as far as I can see these kind of people are either dumb or just plain do not exist.
I know where criticism will arise, Parent child relationship. You know what the parent takes care of his child for either of two reasons, reason one society commands that they care of their children or , reason two they see a bit of themselves in their children. Either way they are being selfish. How? You ask, well here is how, if the parent keeps society’s norms in mind, he is trying to impress people around him , and maybe even impress the child, if the parent sees a bit of themselves in the child then he is doing it for something which is a part of himself.
Anyway the way I see it the only criticism which will really come up is because society has deemed being selfish Taboo, something which is blasphemous. Have you all ever considered that this virtue this human condition of being selfish is a good thing.
If man was not selfish he would never have gotten this far, achieved all this advancements. So when you think about it a little bit you can only come to one big conclusion I am right.
“Selfishness is a virtue of being human”
Something I would like to add, there maybe some people on this planet who do selfless deeds and mean to get nothing out of it. Whenever we see such people we always say that they are greater than most people, that they are angels. Well consider it, maybe they aren’t human because they are not selfish.
Men have claimed that their need for money was so great that they would be willing to kill for it, kill another human being to be precise. The only reason they would not was the fear of life not passion for someone elses life.
Selfishness in fact I believe is a virtue of being human, it is a human condition you see. If you are human you are selfish and being selfish ism only human. Selflessness is only a hoax a sham a mask if you like for the underliying self gratification of the person.
Recently I met a man who was a chemical engineer from a very prestigious university in India. The university is renowned, so much so that the person had got a job instantly in the US. And without thinking for more than a second he had left for it. I don’t believe he did anything wrong he was just relying on his instincts , should he stay in the country of his orgins and live life like everybody else or he could go to America and accept the highly lucrative job and live a seemingly happy life.
This man after living in the states returned to India to aid in relief work at a drought ridden area. Also convinced some of his friends, fellow college men to do the same. They say they are fulifilling some divine duty, all I can see is that these pricks want to get some attention from sacrificing their boring jobs, by the way they already made all the money they can make in the US. Yet I don’t blame the guy, he was just being human, simply a human condition.
Love, an elderly couple whom I have come to adore at a very persobal level told me, is an illusion created by the two people involved to stay attached. The girl probably wants to secure herself in a relationship and the guy probably thinks she is very attractive, they mentally psyche themselves to be attached by a mutually agreed feeling called love. Even this condition is a normal human phenomenon, yet it is borne out of the mother of all human conditions selfishness.
Would a guy love a girl if he did not get love and affection back, if he would not get any sex or any sort of support, hell no. Mind you this condition is ditto for females if not more. I don’t want to get a gender thing here. Selfishness is a human condition, Sex no bar, Caste no bar, Religion no bar, Color no bar, Financial condition no bar.
Did you here all those stories about virtuous people who are selfless and work for no gain. Well as far as I can see these kind of people are either dumb or just plain do not exist.
I know where criticism will arise, Parent child relationship. You know what the parent takes care of his child for either of two reasons, reason one society commands that they care of their children or , reason two they see a bit of themselves in their children. Either way they are being selfish. How? You ask, well here is how, if the parent keeps society’s norms in mind, he is trying to impress people around him , and maybe even impress the child, if the parent sees a bit of themselves in the child then he is doing it for something which is a part of himself.
Anyway the way I see it the only criticism which will really come up is because society has deemed being selfish Taboo, something which is blasphemous. Have you all ever considered that this virtue this human condition of being selfish is a good thing.
If man was not selfish he would never have gotten this far, achieved all this advancements. So when you think about it a little bit you can only come to one big conclusion I am right.
“Selfishness is a virtue of being human”
Something I would like to add, there maybe some people on this planet who do selfless deeds and mean to get nothing out of it. Whenever we see such people we always say that they are greater than most people, that they are angels. Well consider it, maybe they aren’t human because they are not selfish.
Monday, February 26, 2007
The Birthday Boy
The Twenty sixth of October. I dread this day every year, happens to be the day I was conceived to my parents. Birthdays are special days in ones life the day is supposed to be all about him. But have you given a thought as to what birthdays really are, a celebration to the fact that you are a year older and getting closer to the skull and bones. I mean celebrating New years makes more sense than celebrating a birthday. Birthdays function more like an intervention where you slice your life and figure out whats wrong with it.
Explain to me what I am supposed to like about the fact that I wake up in the morning my mother is right there, of course she is aware that today is my birthday, obviously she has not forgotten the day she had to undergo 6 hours of agonizing labour pains in a hospital. But there she is smiling with a twinkle in her eyes, she gives you a hug, says happy birthday, and all you can think of is that you have not brushed and you stink like the sixth cousin of Shrek.
You get to the breakfast table your sisters there, your lucky if your sister doesn’t like you but your positively in shit if she does, because she will give you the whole ‘ hey bro have nice b’day ‘ thing and you hate yourself for not having got her something for her birthday. Your father will be there, of course he is not the one who enjoys physical gestures, will smile at you silently wondering how old you need to be before he can make you work like a dog for him.
Your cell phone rings its your friend wishing you a happy one, this could be like your tenth friend calling, then again it could be the first and only one who remembers or even sadder none of your friends remember its your b’day.
You assure your friend that you will give him a treat, he will show some decency and decline, but if he is like anyone of my friends he will fucking demand it, like its his birthright or something.
Mommy will tell you about the present that she has bought for you , a new shirt to go with the denims you wear so much. Your appreciative but will not show all of it , lest she goes on a shopping spree and all you have are identical t-shirts. Your pa calls you over hands you some extra Moolah and tell you to spend well. Your sister gives you a kiss on the cheek and hand you a flashy new pen, this is a great pen gosh sisters have great taste.
Dash out the door fast enough so that you don’t have to endure anymore of the pain of having forgotten your sisters birthday. Better hope that it is a working day cause if its not you are probably going over to your friends place who is hopefully not too excited that you are a year older. Unfortunately he happens to be planning a major gig, he does not want to surprise you and tells you all about the party, including the guest list, all you can see on the list are names of people a) you hardly know b) you know and secretly hate c) really don’t want to know but your friends want them there. You wont say anything because you are not about to break your buddys heart who has gone through so much in preparing this bash for you. You stare at him blankly wondering why he is so thrilled about your birthday and contemplate would you do the same for him. Why do people have to go through so much pain to celebrate a wasteful life and the fact there are are many more to come.
Fast forward to the bash, the place is elegantly decorated …..yeah and I look like Matt Damon, the place is filled with multi colored balloons not filled to capacity, lights are either too bright which is a bad thing because it makes the place look like the set of some sit com, or worse it will be too dark which makes it look like a bar complete with the seriously drunk. Your entrance is nothing short of holy and your disciples are chanting your name, these people will do anything for Cake. Sure some girls are around but they are vaguely interested in you at best. Booze is flowing like it is new years eve, which leads you to wonder that maybe it is. Soon your confusion is shot to hell when another drunken buddy comes over to shout not sing but shout “for he is a jolly good fellow…” you give him credit for locating you in that dingy place, hey drunks have navigation only bad control.
The party is almost over you thank your buddies for the awesome time you had, hey you are not the one to hurt their feelings and besides you are not that drunk. Its almost midnight, the shows going to end, you have gone through the whole day being the center of attraction. People have had a good time because you were born on this day.
Bitching is a bad habit, but hey every body does it, you hate this day and since its “your” day you have the full right to be pissed off. Stop to wonder, maybe this day isn’t about you, its not about you at all, its about the people who love you, and care about you, and people who give a rats ass about you, maybe they need a day to celebrate the fact that you exist , the fact that you play a part in their lives. This day they appreciate your existence and acknowledge by drinking to you and your health, cherish this moment because come the next day you are just another guy.
Explain to me what I am supposed to like about the fact that I wake up in the morning my mother is right there, of course she is aware that today is my birthday, obviously she has not forgotten the day she had to undergo 6 hours of agonizing labour pains in a hospital. But there she is smiling with a twinkle in her eyes, she gives you a hug, says happy birthday, and all you can think of is that you have not brushed and you stink like the sixth cousin of Shrek.
You get to the breakfast table your sisters there, your lucky if your sister doesn’t like you but your positively in shit if she does, because she will give you the whole ‘ hey bro have nice b’day ‘ thing and you hate yourself for not having got her something for her birthday. Your father will be there, of course he is not the one who enjoys physical gestures, will smile at you silently wondering how old you need to be before he can make you work like a dog for him.
Your cell phone rings its your friend wishing you a happy one, this could be like your tenth friend calling, then again it could be the first and only one who remembers or even sadder none of your friends remember its your b’day.
You assure your friend that you will give him a treat, he will show some decency and decline, but if he is like anyone of my friends he will fucking demand it, like its his birthright or something.
Mommy will tell you about the present that she has bought for you , a new shirt to go with the denims you wear so much. Your appreciative but will not show all of it , lest she goes on a shopping spree and all you have are identical t-shirts. Your pa calls you over hands you some extra Moolah and tell you to spend well. Your sister gives you a kiss on the cheek and hand you a flashy new pen, this is a great pen gosh sisters have great taste.
Dash out the door fast enough so that you don’t have to endure anymore of the pain of having forgotten your sisters birthday. Better hope that it is a working day cause if its not you are probably going over to your friends place who is hopefully not too excited that you are a year older. Unfortunately he happens to be planning a major gig, he does not want to surprise you and tells you all about the party, including the guest list, all you can see on the list are names of people a) you hardly know b) you know and secretly hate c) really don’t want to know but your friends want them there. You wont say anything because you are not about to break your buddys heart who has gone through so much in preparing this bash for you. You stare at him blankly wondering why he is so thrilled about your birthday and contemplate would you do the same for him. Why do people have to go through so much pain to celebrate a wasteful life and the fact there are are many more to come.
Fast forward to the bash, the place is elegantly decorated …..yeah and I look like Matt Damon, the place is filled with multi colored balloons not filled to capacity, lights are either too bright which is a bad thing because it makes the place look like the set of some sit com, or worse it will be too dark which makes it look like a bar complete with the seriously drunk. Your entrance is nothing short of holy and your disciples are chanting your name, these people will do anything for Cake. Sure some girls are around but they are vaguely interested in you at best. Booze is flowing like it is new years eve, which leads you to wonder that maybe it is. Soon your confusion is shot to hell when another drunken buddy comes over to shout not sing but shout “for he is a jolly good fellow…” you give him credit for locating you in that dingy place, hey drunks have navigation only bad control.
The party is almost over you thank your buddies for the awesome time you had, hey you are not the one to hurt their feelings and besides you are not that drunk. Its almost midnight, the shows going to end, you have gone through the whole day being the center of attraction. People have had a good time because you were born on this day.
Bitching is a bad habit, but hey every body does it, you hate this day and since its “your” day you have the full right to be pissed off. Stop to wonder, maybe this day isn’t about you, its not about you at all, its about the people who love you, and care about you, and people who give a rats ass about you, maybe they need a day to celebrate the fact that you exist , the fact that you play a part in their lives. This day they appreciate your existence and acknowledge by drinking to you and your health, cherish this moment because come the next day you are just another guy.
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