Five stages of FAT

Here today i can clearly say,

without much reserve or dismay,

let the cows moo and the horses neigh,

the rat will scurry as he runs from the cat,

and oh yes!,i am fat.

There was a time though, not long ago,

when i would shout out loud and crow,

nay! i would say, "i am but big boned,

all muscle, that's me! , not a shred of fat's been stored"

How you ask did i make it from there to here,?

that's the purpose of this poem my dear,

For just like death, you need to come to term,

with stages many, it takes to learn,

Five there are, all in a nice mince,

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

and

Acceptance

Denial's the first one, we all are aware,

we can't see why people have to stand and stare,

"It's just my belly! i will have you know!,

So what if it is in a pin code of its own"

For the life of us we can't surmise,

why stores don't have clothes in our size,?

In trains there are, a sea of dirty faces,

as if to say "Your getting up, will clear at least three spaces"

Oh! then comes Anger red and hot!

"What did get me, to this spot?"

Mom's food coupled with street fare,

the root cause of all our despair

We scold ourselves day and night,

not even in our sleep do we have respite,

Things must change, this will not do,

i will drop this burger & ask for soup.

This follows exercise and calorie burning,

bringing us straight up to bargaining,

then the mind starts playing tricks,

throw in a doting mother into the mix

"You look good son , you've lost some weight?"

On goes the Dal Fry on my plate.

People in office are also to blame,

they see some change and tell you the same,

So off goes the diet, and you take a break,

why not indulge ?, have a slice of cake

A week of this, goes by in a daze,

you happily set yourself on the scales,

the blinders are off, you see a vision,

then comes on, a deep depression

"Why bother you ask?", i am going to be fat,

life is unfair, cruel, and all that,

Sit around your house, with a straw in a coke,

you gain some more, diet's up in smoke

Days of sleep walking and wide awake nights,

something inside you switches on the lights,

Being fat is ain't all that bad,

your healthy, and good times you have had,

People like you, for you are a gem of a person,

they will love you, in any sort of version,

That is my tale, told in a Zap,

the beautiful, Five stages of Fat

-

Chennakeshav Shenoy

Life is quite simple

Life isn't as complicated as we make it to be,

There be words, that which make it beautiful and compelling,

Magic in their punctuations, and in the spelling,

Letting go of control seems to be the key.

Ever see a man down on his luck crying out to you,

"Wish i would have played my cards right, surer and bolder,

then i wouldn't have to sit here on the street, with the days growing colder,"?

'Tis funny how people want to live their life anew.

This gift is not for sycophancy or introspections best,

You only mock it, while trying to give it meaning,

There is nothing more to it, than living it big.

If there is anything this seems to be the test,

Which one of us has plenty of intentions never weaning,

Have as much of fun as he can have before the great dig.

Chennakeshav Shenoy

For the uninitiated this is a Petrarchian sonnet - not your usual, run of the mill poem. Tell me what you think, dying to know.

In a sticky conundrum

Long long time ago, a fable was related to me. An old aunt was explaining why a man should never waste his time with a woman his own age.

"Arre the ideologies don't match, the states of mind are different. It takes a man a while to get his bearings right, but a woman is always 5 years ahead. So to be happy, a man should always find a woman who is younger than him. This is the truth Chennakeshav, live by it"

I honestly didn't buy this logic, particularly because i was 17 when i was given this secret and the women would be 12 years old - Gross - right.

I went about my life, hitting on girls my age, and older in some cases. Struck out for the next five years, each an every time. Guess what i found out in that time, most of those girls were either already hitched, or in the process of being hitched to a guy senior to them by at least 4 - 5 years.

So after five years, now i am actually in the situation to hit on these women and not be called a pervert right?

WRONG - I still think this is not the way to go about it. I mean these girls are five whole years younger than me right? They are young man, kids really.... So if i hit on them i will feel like a big pervert. Society probably does not shun it, but i would like to stay away from this.

Then again, thats what everybody is doing, so whether i like it or not - this probably is the way it goes. This is my sticky conundrum......

Oh, to be truly honest with you, i think that i am scared of hitting on these women, lest i strike out again....to kids.....what a blow to an already battered self esteem.

You know what i am saying.

Rules of Engagement

As social beings, humans have become accustomed to controlled environments, civilized behavior, order and balance - anything beyond the realm of the regular, is absurd and well unnatural. At first, the comfort of knowing how one's day will go is quite welcome. But i believe as people we have taken this sketch pen and gone into territories that should have been left well alone.

The reference here is to such books as - "Learn to love", "Get the love of your life", "Love for Beginners". There is an entire sub culture of authors and groups that are dedicated to giving you the 'dope' on getting into the relationship of your dreams. To make matters worse, there is popular beliefs, fueled by Movies and Television, a whole industry that is pushing people to believe that holding your gaze a certain way, or befriending her best friend will get you your girl.

Any scientific rule or law is prefixed by a disclaimer - "Under ideal conditions" or "All other coditions remaining constant". The application does not hold true if a variable is introduced. When you think about it, with regard to love, every element is a variable, nothing is constant and there are way too many influencing factors.

So why do we buy into these fantasies, that if we follow a given set of rules we should get our love. Its back to the original thought, we(people, human beings, morons) cannot surmise a world without control. A world that doesn't run on rules, least of all ours.

I say enough of this crap, these rules of engagement be,

open your eyes and truth shall set you free,

the treasure you seek has no bloody map,

just fall with abandon in to the god forsaken gap

Patience...dear friend....patience

Just missed it.......

Awww......you just missed it man.

These words set off a really queasy gutteral feeling within me, i can feel the acidic taste of bile in my throat and all i want to do is sit down till the moment passes. "If only you were here a moment earlier!"

IF ONLY

The words keeping hitting me like a Spitfire machine gun on a metal fuselage of a Messerschmidt.....ICH WERDE DOWN...................AUF WIEDERSEHEN

This is an all too familiar feeling for me, its been there forever, i find the perfect gal and i go up to her and sum up all the courage in the world to ask her if she would like to go out and grab a drink. BOOOOOOM - she is already with someone else, or she is thinking about someone else...or the best.....SHE IS WAITING FOR SOMEONE ELSE......

This someone else is always around the corner, one step ahead of me, just taking all my girls away. NO FAIR GOD!!!!!

One of these days i am going to meet this SOMEONE....bash his fucking head in......but i am going to JUST MISS HIM aren't i?????????

FUCKING INSANE

Catholic Fever

Ever since i saw a movie called Baton Baton Mein (Loosely translated In a matter of words) , i had one fixation in my head - the fascination for Catholic women. In the movie Amol Palekar tries to woo Tina Munim, a young Catholic girl from Khar.

Since then i came to be attracted to catholic women like a moth to a burning naked flame. And thus began my affliction to a phenomenon i came to know as - Catholic Fever . This is not a physiological condition, well for the most part, it is a state of mind.

What is interesting to me is why i came to be afflicted with the condition. Sure the movie is an obvious answer, but it is much more than that. Its the Catholic attitude, its the what men? what you saying? balls to you ! confidence that they carry around.

It is the carefree attitude towards everything fun in life, its the want to experience new things at the cost of sanity and social decrees. Its the food, its the smell of sorpotel and calamari on Sundays, its the beer in the fridge and whiskey on rocks....its all of it and more man.

Wait a minute, this says nothing about the women you say? Of course not, the women are more or less the same, but then its about the lifestyle, its about the way of life. Its actually my way into her family life than her, she is of course a bonus, but i think i like the family more.

I would like the brother who knows somebody, who knows somebody that plays with the famous Bandra band. Or its the father who just loves to talk about Grateful Dead and the Allman Brothers band or the good old days in the 70s . Or its the mother who just loves to make you happy and content with the delicious food. The invitation to the Christmas Dance, and all the other wedding dances.

So i guess for me its not just the women, they are more or less the same anyway, its what you get along with them, that should be a concern.

I am still wishing for my Catholic Fever to subside, or at least come to fruition. Either way....i am fucked right now!

The Seeker

I've looked under chairs
I've looked under tables
I've tried to find the key
To fifty million fables

They call me The Seeker
I've been searching low and high
I won't get to get what I'm after
Till the day I die

-------The Who

Many years ago, i was introduced to the concept of true love, eternal happiness and of course world peace. Novelty concepts, which really do not have basis in the real world, but the sheer magnificence of these concepts have made me a seeker.

Eternal happiness & World Peace always seemed a bit stretched to me, but true love was quite realistic. All you had to do was fall in love, isn't it interesting how the phrase has been termed, falling in love. It is almost an accident, it happens, out of the clear blue sky. There is no pattern, no essence behind what just happened, it just happened.

Fairly simple no? Quite possible, you just have to go about your daily life and you will FALL in love.

WRONG

After 23 years of living, and over a decade of believing this load of tripe i have come to the conclusion that there is no falling in love, you have to free fall in to the stuff. And just like any other professional free fall, you can't not do your research, find the spot, go the right height and take a dive. You don't want yourself splattered all over the footpath do you? DO YOU?

Now i am a seeker man, i am looking for the good stuff, i am out there scowering the streets, the high and low corners of my beloved city. Then i go on to cyberspace, countless hours of searching, looking and just basically doing the prep work.

This place (the world) is about people who go out there and get what they want. Well i want that, the eternal love, the soulmate, mon cherie - i am going for it man.

The search has been on for the last 23 years, and guess i will still go on until....well i find it right.

I told Mr. Reaper only one thing, don't you get in my way old man, i will be right with you....i just have to find this thing...have to get to it

I won't get to get what I'm after
Till the day I die

We shall see about that.....won't we REAPY