Just thinking.....

The dark red flame of the cigarette becomes a bright yellow as i drag air through it. Burning tar and tobacco pass through my wind pipe and enter my lungs. Immediately i can feel the tobacco effect me, the brain cells start to die and i dont think as much. The thoughts start to die and i can focus on everything and nothing.

The smoke starts its ascent out of my body like a bird escaping its coop. Out it comes in a billow just releasing itself to the air around it. Some of it blows out in a small simple trail. I hang on to the rest for a while and then let it out as smoke rings.

I ve been struggling on my story, i cant write it. The words are not flowing out of me today. The smoke is just a diversion for me, because i know that it solves nothing for me. Delusional people might accredit smoking to some higher state of clarity and more controlled state of mind.

Why do i smoke? because i think its cool. If that were true then i would be smoking in front of everybody just to gain their approval to feel a part of a gang. No , thats not me , in fact i am ashamed of the fact that i kill my own body each day with every puff of the white knight.

My brain gives me all the logical reasons why i should quit it, why i should not be doing it. The harmful diseases, cancer, secondary smoke being harmful to others. All of those reasons and more. But why can i not stop being addicted to this.

Are we all victims of our own habits, or are we guilty of keeping and nurturing these habits. How about a man who is madly and deeply addicted to a woman, she is using him and manipulating him. Isnt that an unhealthy addiction. What about addiction to the television or the addiction to porn. These addictions dont necessarily have any direct health risks, but then there is the risk of mental health.

Alcoholism, Narcotics abuse and Smoking are the three leading addictions in this world, which have groups and even programs, methods to get off of them. Doesnt it boggle your mind that there are so many addictions besides the big 3 and yet we have not a word on them.

Makes you think that maybe these 3 addictions were marketed well, they were portrayed as life ruiners, marriage breakers and of course social evils.

Better yet i think that its easier for us to throw money at something, you know buying self help books or rehab or even therapy to get rid of these addictions than deal with the more deeper psychological reasons why these addictions exist in the first place.

Face it nobody wants to have alcohol and get drunk because he is happy, no guy with lots of friends and a good home life with loving parents wants to be high all day on weed or hash. Well adjusted people with high self esteem dont smoke, and another specie that smokes the terminally stressed. This is a funny bunch they claim that smoking reduces stress, when there is enough scientific evidence to suggest the contrary. All our addictions are symptoms of something deeper and larger gone amiss.

The last drag, the lips become extremely hot as the bud warms up. The smoke goes in and you let it out. The bud is pressed into the ashtray with fury and clinical precision. Embers of the still burning tip emanate from the tray. Hey i was merely thinking